{"id":3839,"date":"2026-03-20T10:00:00","date_gmt":"2026-03-20T10:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/flsgroup.com.my\/2026\/10\/26\/chinese-funeral-day-customs-condolence-etiquette\/"},"modified":"2026-10-27T02:52:47","modified_gmt":"2026-10-27T02:52:47","slug":"chinese-funeral-day-customs-condolence-etiquette","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/flsgroup.com.my\/en\/2026\/03\/20\/chinese-funeral-day-customs-condolence-etiquette\/","title":{"rendered":"How Do Families Arrange the Funeral Day? Traditional Considerations and Condolence Etiquette"},"content":{"rendered":"
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How Do Families Arrange the Funeral Day? Traditional Considerations and Condolence Etiquette<\/h1>\n
\"How<\/div>\n
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On the day of a funeral, many Chinese families follow a few traditional arrangements. When the coffin is closed, pregnant women and young children often step away for a moment; relatives whose Chinese zodiac sign is considered to clash with the departed’s step aside as the priest advises; and the family dresses plainly, removes jewellery and avoids words considered inauspicious. Visitors usually wear subdued colours, offer incense or bow, and give bai jin<\/em> (\u5e1b\u91d1, condolence money) according to their relationship with the family. Customs differ by dialect group and religion, so the priest or religious leader conducting the rites can advise.<\/p>\n

What can the family prepare before the funeral day?<\/h2>\n

The date, what to wear and who does what are three things many families settle before the funeral. Agreeing on them early makes the day calmer.<\/p>\n

Choosing the date<\/h3>\n

The funeral date is usually chosen by the priest, and dialect groups have different considerations. For example, according to a news report, some Hokkien families prefer an odd-numbered day, counting from the day of death.<\/p>\n

Clothing and jewellery<\/h3>\n

The family usually wears mourning clothes or plain, subdued clothing. Many families remove gold and jewellery before putting on mourning dress (shang xiao<\/em>, \u4e0a\u5b5d), traditionally because jewellery belongs to joyful occasions while a funeral calls for solemnity. As for the departed, a news report notes that some families dress them in clothes they chose beforehand, that elders aged 60 and above often wear traditional burial robes, and that some families avoid red.<\/p>\n

Sharing the tasks<\/h3>\n

Decide in advance who will carry the portrait, who will carry the ancestral tablet (shen zhu pai<\/em>, \u795e\u4e3b\u724c), and who will welcome guests and receive condolence money, so the day does not feel rushed. In a large family, a relative who knows the process well can help coordinate.<\/p>\n

Who traditionally steps away when the coffin is closed?<\/h2>\n

Around the closing of the coffin, many families follow custom by asking pregnant women, mothers in confinement and young children to step away, while relatives whose zodiac sign clashes with the departed’s step aside as the priest advises.<\/p>\n

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  • When the coffin is nailed shut:<\/strong> a priest usually guides relatives in tapping the nails while reciting words of blessing. In some places it is traditionally believed that this moment carries unsettled energy (sha qi<\/em>, \u715e\u6c14), so pregnant women and children under three often leave the room for a while.<\/li>\n
  • Pregnant women and mothers in confinement:<\/strong> many families ask them not to be present; if a pregnant relative joins the procession, one custom is that she does not kneel and wears a red string.<\/li>\n
  • Relatives whose zodiac sign clashes:<\/strong> they step aside for a while as the priest advises.<\/li>\n
  • When the coffin is lifted:<\/strong> traditionally, some people avoid saying that the coffin is heavy.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

    These are folk customs, traditionally meant to look after more vulnerable family members and help the rites go smoothly. If a relative is unwell, there is no need to push them to attend; staying home is also a way of showing care.<\/p>\n

    How are the procession and burial usually arranged?<\/h2>\n

    The procession is generally arranged by generation, and many families leave plenty of time, as some traditionally feel it is less suitable to bury after sunset. Some families also arrange for pregnant women and infants not to join the procession.<\/p>\n

    The traditional heavy hardwood “plum-blossom” coffin was once carried and lowered by skilled bearers using thick ropes and long poles; a news report notes that where skilled bearers are not available, a crane may be used instead. The family can confirm the burial arrangements with the funeral staff beforehand.<\/p>\n

    Return gifts for those in the procession<\/h3>\n

    Some dialect groups give return gifts to those who join the procession.<\/p>\n

    Cleansing customs after returning<\/h3>\n

    After returning, some people wash their hands or bathe with water steeped with pomegranate blossoms or other flowers, traditionally to clear away bad luck; others carry a sprig of mo cao<\/em> (\u62b9\u8349, a cleansing herb) or cypress leaves and leave it by the roadside. Whether and how families do this varies.<\/p>\n

    What do visitors wear, and how do they pay respects?<\/h2>\n

    Visitors usually wear subdued colours and offer incense or bow before the altar; at funerals of different religions, you may simply follow the arrangements on the day.<\/p>\n

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    • Clothing:<\/strong> black, white, grey or dark, plain clothes are common, avoiding bright colours such as red and elaborate grooming.<\/li>\n
    • Taoist and folk funerals:<\/strong> a common gesture is to offer one stick of incense at the altar or bow three times to the coffin; when the family bows in thanks, visitors bow in return.<\/li>\n
    • Buddhist, Christian and other religious funerals:<\/strong> each faith has its own way of paying respects, and visitors can follow the emcee or the family.<\/li>\n
    • Collective tributes:<\/strong> some clan associations and societies hold a collective tribute for a member who has passed away.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

      How is condolence money given, and what about return gifts?<\/h2>\n

      There is no set amount for bai jin; it generally reflects the visitor’s relationship with the departed and the family. The family often gives sweets and red thread in return as thanks.<\/p>\n

      According to a folk-custom researcher, before the 1960s visitors usually brought joss paper and incense to the funeral home; condolence money later took their place, and the return gift changed from red candles to red thread and sweets. Bai jin (locally also written \u767d\u91d1) today often helps the family share funeral costs, a practical way of showing care; if you cannot attend, you may ask someone to pass it on. Traditionally, the red thread stands for good fortune, and the sweet is meant to ease the bitterness of grief.<\/p>\n

      What about red packets with herbs or nails?<\/h3>\n

      Some families give red packets containing mo cao or an iron nail, traditionally meant to clear away bad luck, and many people leave them by the roadside afterwards. A village committee chairperson in Penang told a newspaper that she respects the tradition, but that nails can puncture tyres and scattered packets can affect passers-by. She suggested leaving them in a safe corner away from traffic and pedestrians, discarding only the herb, or rinsing hands with flower water instead.<\/p>\n

      Practical tips: how can families prepare the night before?<\/h2>\n

      The funeral day is often the most tiring day for the family, and a little preparation the night before can make it calmer. A few ideas:<\/p>\n

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      1. Write the schedule on one sheet:<\/strong> times and places for lifting the coffin, the procession, and the burial or cremation.<\/li>\n
      2. Name one coordinator:<\/strong> ideally a relative who knows the family well but is not at the centre of the grief.<\/li>\n
      3. Confirm who will step away:<\/strong> check with the priest in advance and let those relatives know gently.<\/li>\n
      4. Prepare return gifts and a condolence-money record:<\/strong> red thread, sweets and a guest book, handled by one person.<\/li>\n
      5. Look after elders and children:<\/strong> plan a place to rest, drinking water and transport.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

        In summary: care behind every custom<\/h2>\n

        Most funeral-day customs come from folk tradition and are meant to keep the rites solemn and smooth while looking after vulnerable family members. Practice differs by dialect group, religion and family, and the priest or religious leader conducting the rites can advise.<\/p>\n

        The experience of FLS (\u798f\u7984\u5bff) Kuantan is that writing the schedule, timings and tasks on one sheet the night before, and handing it to a relative who is not at the centre of the grief, often makes the day much calmer. If you have questions about the arrangements, you are welcome to WhatsApp us at +60 12-960 2222.<\/p>\n

        This article is from the FLS (\u798f\u7984\u5bff) Kuantan Life Education Column. More at flsgroup.com.my<\/em><\/p>\n

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        Quick answers<\/h2>\n
        \nCan a pregnant woman attend a Chinese funeral?<\/summary>\n

        Following folk custom, many families ask pregnant women and mothers in confinement to step away, especially when the coffin is closed, and children under three often leave the room at that moment. If a pregnant relative joins the procession, one custom is that she does not kneel and wears a red string. Practice varies, so families can ask the priest leading the rites.<\/p>\n<\/details>\n

        \nWhat do people wear to a Chinese funeral?<\/summary>\n

        Visitors usually wear black, white, grey or dark, plain clothes, avoiding bright colours such as red and elaborate grooming. At Chinese funerals in Kuantan, neat, subdued clothing and a quiet manner are a common way of showing respect to the departed and the family.<\/p>\n<\/details>\n

        \nHow much condolence money (bai jin) is usual?<\/summary>\n

        There is no set amount; condolence money generally reflects the visitor’s relationship with the departed and the family. Today it often helps the bereaved family share funeral costs, which makes it a practical way of showing care. If you cannot attend, you may ask someone to pass it on.<\/p>\n<\/details>\n

        \nWhat do people do with the red thread, sweets and red packet they receive?<\/summary>\n

        Traditionally, the red thread stands for good fortune and the sweet is meant to ease the bitterness of grief. If a red packet contains a herb or an iron nail, a community leader has urged people not to leave it on the road, where nails can puncture tyres; a safe corner, or rinsing hands with flower water, are alternatives.<\/p>\n<\/details>\n<\/section>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n